Kitchen Please

Coming up on the half way mark of our time in the flat with no kitchen (and perhaps less critically, no belongings…)

All we can cook with is a toaster oven… washing up is done in the bathroom (good job we have a separate toilet!) At least we have a fridge. My arms no longer need covering to escape being taken for a (incompetent) junkie. The E.Coli scare hasn’t helped; it removed a large part of our usual summer diet from the market. Fortunately that’s been called off, and with a little luck we should have a kitchen in another couple of weeks. Deep breaths.

Oh, and did i mention the washing machine? We have a washing machine. Gravity was on my side getting that thing into the cellar. And then we turned it on… Thinking i’d do the right thing, i read the instructions, or at least as much of them as seemed relevant. Do a wash with nothing in the machine it said. Use this program it said. Off it went. We dutifully sat and watched it wash water for something like a couple of hours. The thing didn’t look very level. Adjusted the feet. Checked with a coin. All good. Put some washing in the machine, watch it for a little while, get bored and come upstairs. A few minutes later the landlord is at the door saying that the washing machine has gone crazy and walked across the room. Water everywhere, but not to worry it’s a wet room. The levelling bolts are wound down. Level it again, this time with a spirit level, and lock the feet. Try to get it to finish the wash, but it’s shaking like ‘bam baalam’. Eventually get the washing out, and go to bed wondering about how to return a washing machine in German…

Get up the next day and read some more of the instructions. Turns out there are some shipping screws that need to be removed before use. They stop the drum from moving during shipping. During use they transfer all the movement to the body of the machine. Works great without them… Oh, and yes, i’ve since discovered that i’m the only person in Europe that didn’t know about these shipping screws, so save me the incredulity and just have a good laugh.

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9 thoughts on “Kitchen Please

  1. I had a washing machine, and every time I’d move flats, my dad would come and attach the shipping screws. But I also like the idea of crazy washing machines – like a ’90s horror film.

    And when you say you have no kitchen, what does that mean? Like, do you have any cupboards? Or is it just missing appliances. In old New Zealand, a house is legally required to have a cooktop/oven. Roast lamb and steamed pudding for all!

    • originally i wrote “the only person in the world”… great. shouldn’t have worried about being overly dramatic. why do i only learn about these things through the blunt instrument of experience?

      er, i mean we have no kitchen. the room is empty. there is a backsplash on the wall, water pipes and a drain coming out of the wall. Oh, and a high voltage outlet for a cooker / stove.

      yep, same laws in germany – a flat must have a kitchen with a sink, running water, and a stove. the options were to have the landlord supply just a sink and a cooker as cheaply as possible (with no associated cupboards, etc) or do something ourselves, and get some money back. seeing as how this move has been so cheap and easy (…) we went for the second option.

      my idiocy is as boundless as the oceans.

  2. “my idiocy is as boundless as the oceans”. is nice line

    best of luck with your continuing adventure without a kitchen

  3. “my idiocy is as boundless as the oceans.”
    6 weeks into your new kitchen and you’ll be thanking yourself for going through the pain. Given your obsession with food I think it’s a good choice.
    As for the washing machine, at least you didn’t jump to the conclusion that the machine was possessed and either return it or run from the house screaming.

    After all these mini challenges a normal life will feel like a holiday 🙂

    • Ohhh, a holiday? I’m making an effort not to complain about my work situation which has done the obvious thing and cranked up the intensity now that i’m without a desk and chair. Maybe by the end of August i’ll be able to take some time off…

      Hope you’re right about the kitchen – that’s certainly how i’m looking at it. Reckon we get enough out of cooking that we’ll get a decent return on this investment in short-term pain.

  4. Dont get too excited about a holiday in August. You’ll be entertaining us, by then…

    More pertinently… Cellar!? You have a cellar?

    • don’t get too excited about the cellar… it’s just a damp storage room. the washing machine room is shared with the other two families in the house. it’s all very european.

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