No doubt this is going to come across as something of a ‘white whine‘, but here goes…
Apparently i just don’t seem to care. And, i’m not really trying.
It seems odd to me that people get this impression, as others would say that i’m far to wound up and serious. Most recently it has come up several times with respect to my attitude towards learning german. In the past it was a common feature of my school reports.
Mein Deutsch ist, in ein Wort, schrecklich. I studied for a few years, maybe three, around the time that i was fifteen, used it a little in Germany during that time, and pretty much didn’t after that. Twenty years of neglect has not helped.
Now i’m living in Germany, and trying to do as much as i can in German – which isn’t much, but i’m giving it a go. For sure i’d love to spend some time every week (or even day!) re-learning and learning, but with all the other things that need sorting out, it isn’t going to happen for a while.
Anyway, not the point. Apparently i need to find a way of appearing to care more, or sounding distraught at my current inability to take lessons / study… or maybe it’s enough to know that i really do care, and would love to have the time / energy to do something about it.
My contrition is internal and eternal.